


A Final Goodbye

by MiHnn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, HP: EWE, Infidelity, Love Triangle, Post - Deathly Hallows, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-05
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 22:48:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiHnn/pseuds/MiHnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry never expected that him leaving would be what changes things between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Last Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Harry Het Big Bang 2011.
> 
> Beta : Heart of Spells

  
Harry Potter stood quietly still on the cobblestone steps of Diagon Alley, his eyes studying the couple inside the restaurant he was supposed to enter. He hadn't been late; not really. He had arrived exactly when they had told him he should. But just as he was about to walk in, he had caught a glimpse of them through the window; the image of which invoked something unpleasant in him.

 _She looks happy_ , he thought suddenly, almost as if he had never quite realised it before. _They_ looked happy.

Ron and Hermione were laughing about something, their grins wide and their eyes sparkling with humour. It was just one of those moments when he realised once again that he was the odd man out. Ever since the Final Battle a year ago, things had changed considerably for them. Actually, it was ever since Hermione had flung herself at Ron; the thought of which still made his gut clench in knots whenever his mind focused on that one memory. At that time, they had a higher purpose. He didn't really focus on the tangle of feelings deep inside his chest at the image of seeing his best mates snogging right in front of him. Later, when everything was over and he saw Hermione look up at Ron with a secret smile that he had never really seen before... that was when he felt that same feeling again. The rumble within him that was similar to how he had felt when he had seen Ginny snog Dean, though it was different in so many ways. The gnarling animal inside his chest felt possessive of his best friend who had stuck with him through everything, her encouraging smile and brilliant brain being the one thing that had helped keep his sanity through the Horcrux hunt. To see that look in her eyes for someone else...

It had been an epiphany, one that had nearly ruined him. He had worked hard on trying to shake that feeling off while doing everything that was expected of him. He had dated Ginny, joined the Auror programme, and went to the Burrow every Sunday for brunch. But at some point, he couldn't do it anymore. He got tired of his role and, as a result, sloppy with his life. He had become careless, uncommunicative and absent. Truth be told, he hadn't seen the pair of them for nearly two months, the longest period of time without any news since the summer before sixth year. He had to admit that it wasn't their fault. They had tried time and again to draw him out of the secluded position he had placed himself in and he had blatantly refused, blaming it on non-existent excuses. But like any good liar, he needed to know when to quit. Which is how he found himself finally agreeing to dinner with the two people he still considered his best mates, even if the very thought of being in the same room with them felt like a physical blow.

Harry continued to eye the couple through the window, willing his feet to either walk in or walk away. He had always been too indecisive for his own good and this was no exception. He even cursed himself for not having the ability to make up his mind. He kept watching through the window as a waiter approached them. Ron immediately took the menu while Hermione pulled it out of his hands and gave it back to the confused waiter. With a slight bow, he left, leaving Ron scowling and Hermione chastising him for his impatience. But it was the simple movement of her looking at the wrist watch on her arm, her features marring by a worried frown that finally made him leave his spot near the window. The fact that she had been waiting for him to arrive before placing an order, showing the confidence she had in him to show up only served to increase the guilt within him. Stifling the need to leave, to save himself from the pain he knew he was going to experience by seeing them together, Harry entered the restaurant.

His first reaction was that this was not the type of restaurant that he would have chosen. It seemed too...happy for him. The restaurant was one of the popular high end eating joints that seemed to have a waiter lingering about every few feet. The people were immaculately dressed and the food seemed splendidly expensive. Harry couldn't help but feel grossly underdressed.

The moment he was within their eyesight, both Hermione and Ron stood up enthusiastically, their smiles practically lighting up the room. Harry couldn't help but mirror their happy grins as he embraced them in turn, grateful that he hadn't let his fear claim him and cause him to leave. It was good to see them. He hadn't how much he had missed them.

"Blimey, how long has it been?" Ron questioned as he sat down, his hand immediately rising to get the attention of a waiter.

Harry let out a small laugh when he realised that Ron hadn't noticed Hermione's glare, choosing to peruse the menu instead. "Too long."

Hermione turned towards him, her eyes concerned. "How are you, Harry? Everything all right?"

Harry shrugged, dropping his gaze from hers for fear that she would be able to see through his lie. "I'm good. Great, even. Actually I'm-"

"Hungry," Ron piped in with a devious grin.

"Exactly!" Harry said gratefully. "Hungry."

Hermione eyed him carefully in a way that made him think that she knew that something wasn't sitting right with him. She always had a way of reading him the way others couldn't, and he found himself having a mini menu war with Ron just so he could avoid looking at her; or if he was being completely honest, avoid giving her the opportunity to study him.

With one final tug, Harry managed to pull the menu away from Ron, sporting a smug expression, even as Ron was given another menu by a passing waiter.

"Git," Ron mumbled with a low breath as he perused his new menu.

To which, Harry breathed out a simple 'Prat' under his breath just to be even.

They both looked up and grinned at each other as Hermione rolled her eyes at their antics. "Honestly, you two."

"What?" they asked simultaneously, their expressions grossly innocent.

Hermione glared at them in turn before a smile fought its way through and she shook her head in defeat. "Nothing."

As they all shared a small smile, Harry realised how much he had missed this.

\-----------------------------------------

It wasn't long before Harry excused himself. He had managed to sit through drinks, then half of their meal before he finally pushed his chair back, stood up quickly, and with a quick mumble under his breath, made his way to the men's loo.

It hadn't been a properly thought out decision at the time. All it had taken was Ron reaching across the table to squeeze her hand with absolute affection in his eyes for Harry to forget the promise he had made to himself. And now, as he stood in front of the long mirror in the washroom, his hands clenching around the cool material of the sink and his head bowed in defeat, he couldn't help but admit that he was tired.

He was tired of pretending that he was strong enough to sit with them for so long. It was a completely insane thought, the fact that one simple moment between his best mates could make him flee the way he did. To make matters worse, he felt horrid when he saw their expressions just as he left; Ron's completely confused and Hermione's surprisingly passive. He hadn't expected that. And he ultimately found himself hiding from them for nearly ten minutes, his mind playing their expressions on a loop, each time focusing longer on Hermione's while his mind tried to come up with reasons as to why she would have looked at him like that.

It was with great focus and determination that Harry finally threw a handful of water onto his face, dried his hands with immense speed and left the loo to join his dinner mates. He had been acting like a selfish wanker when all they wanted was to spend some fun, uncomplicated time with him. The least he could do was look away when they acted like the couple that they were, and respect them enough to not act like a complete tosser to displays of their happiness.

Harry was just about to pass the two large columns that obstructed their table from the view of others when he heard her mention his name. Out of pure habit, he paused, leaning his body closer to the pillar so he could hear them better. He had never been particularly proud of listening in while others spoke about him, but history had shown that the best way to find out exactly what people thought of him was by doing it the Rita Skeeter way. As far as he was concerned, he had learnt a lot by eavesdropping, particularly from Hermione and Ron.

"He's fine."

"He's _not_ fine, Ron. You saw him today. He was nervous."

"Well, he has a reason to be nervous, doesn't he? What he ordered doesn't look at all that appetising. I wonder if it's even cooked right."

Harry heard Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "That's not what I mean and you know it."

"Okay then, he's nervous. What do you want to do about it?"

There was a moment of silence before she replied, "Make him comfortable, for one."

"He _should_ be comfortable with us. We're his best mates!"

"Exactly! But, he's not. He's too jumpy. And there's something in his eyes..."

Harry could imagine the expression on Ron's face when he heard that. "His _eyes_? You're basing this on his _eyes_?"

Hermione let out another frustrated sound. "I know it sounds mad-"

"Mental, more like."

"But, I can see it. There's something missing there. He's not happy."

Harry felt his gut clench at how she had trailed off at the end; the slight catch in her voice when she spoke the words, betraying her sadness. He felt ashamed for letting his unhappiness show. He hadn't intended to. It had been extremely difficult to sit there and smile when Ron brought up their fond memories, double dates and future plans. His smile was so wide that he had practically felt his cheeks crack from the pressure. But that one casual gesture had been his limit and he didn't even know it. He never wanted to upset either of them, especially Hermione. And he couldn't help but feel that he was failing miserably in that aspect.

Deciding that he had heard enough, and knowing that he didn't really want to hear anymore, he made his appearance known. Ron smiled at him encouragingly while Hermione seemed to have tears in her eyes. Even if he hadn't spent a good few minutes listening in on their conversation, he would have known that something was up from the moment they looked at him. But, having heard what he did, he chose to smile at them and pick up their conversation from where they had left off, with one noticeable change.

"I have news," Harry said with a sheepish grin as he took his seat.

Ron scrunched up his face in disgust. "I don't think any of us really want to hear what went on in the loo, mate."

"Not that." Harry glared at his best friend for good measure before straightening up and saying in what he hoped was a happy tone. "I was recently promoted."

Ron and Hermione grinned wide as they congratulated him; Ron slapping his back appreciatively and Hermione giving him such a heart-felt hug that he had to consciously pull himself away before he decided not to let go. Ever.

"That's great, Harry, I'm so proud of you," Hermione said fondly, her eyes brimming with tears.

It always astonished him that he could always make her cry, with happiness and with sadness. He was convinced that no one should have such power over how someone felt the way she always seemed to have towards him, and how he was positive she had over him.

"What is it, then?" Ron asked with a teasing grin. "Are you the head Auror now?"

"No," Harry said as he shook his head sheepishly. "There's so much more time before I even have the chance for that. But this is pretty...good, I suppose."

"Just good?" Hermione questioned curiously, immediately picking up on his hesitation. "I would have thought that you'd be excited about it."

"I am." She looked at him meaningfully. "Really." He looked at Ron, who was the only one at the table who didn't seem to notice anything but the good news.

"There must be perks," his mate said excitedly. "Pay raise, less danger..."

Harry smiled sheepishly, aware that what he was promised didn't necessary sound that perfect. "Well, not _exactly_."

Ron stared at him with mock incredulity. "Don't tell me that they're not paying the Great Harry Potter bucket loads of gold."

"I'm not the 'Great' Harry Potter," Harry said rolling his eyes. "And they're paying me well."

Cocking his head towards a table behind him, Ron grinned. "You sure about that, mate?"

Harry followed the direction Ron was gesturing to, his gaze falling on two women who were pointedly looking at him while they kept their heads close in heated whispers. Gone were the days when he used to blush at the attention, now finding their blatant stares an annoyance more than anything else.

Hermione cleared her throat, effectively bringing Harry's attention back to their table. "What's the problem with this promotion then? And don't tell me there isn't one, because it's obvious there is."

They both looked at him expectantly, causing Harry to admit defeat. "They want me to train new recruits."

"That's brilliant," Ron breathed out.

"You'll be perfect for that," Hermione said, agreeing. "You've always been a great teacher when it comes to teaching defensive spells."

"Yeah." Harry nodded, his gaze falling on Hermione when he said, "Only it's more of an international gig."

Ron looked at him in surprise. "A lot of travelling then?"

Hermione seemed to be in her own thoughts for a moment before she asked him softly, "How long will you be away?"

Harry let out a humourless laugh, unsure of exactly how thrilled they were going to be once he finally said it. "Three years." He definitely hadn't expected their silence as they simply stared at him. After a considerable amount of time had passed, he had to wonder if his best friends had actually heard him.

"Wow," Ron said as he let out a low breath. "So long?"

Harry shrugged. "It's six months in six countries. It's not only me, though. I'm going with a team of recruiters. I guess they see us as the best teachers after Voldemort."

"But, you're allowed to visit, right?" Ron asked.

Harry quickly glanced at Hermione who seemed to be concentrating too hard on the dish in front of her. "Not really. This project is something the Ministries are keeping quiet. I think they're building a joint army; one that is trained to make sure that no one does what Voldemort did ever again."

Ron shook his head in disbelief. "Blimey, Harry, only _you_ could get yourself mixed up with something like this."

"I suppose I'm lucky," Harry mumbled dryly, his eyes landing on Hermione again.

When she finally looked at him, he found that he just couldn't look away. "When are you leaving?"

"A month from now," he said gently, knowing that this was a lot to take in. "They want me to get my affairs in order before I leave."

Hermione smiled then, the widening of her lips looking pained more than anything else. "I'm happy for you. It's good to have a purpose again."

Harry wasn't sure what reaction he had expected from her, but he was positive that that wasn't it. She was the person who talked him out of leaving even if it was for one simple Auror mission. It was unnerving that she practically gave him her seal of approval for something that intended to keep him away for so long. It almost made Harry think that he was doing the wrong thing. _Almost_.

"All I can say is, we're gonna miss you, mate," Ron said with a sad smile.

Harry smiled back, knowing that he felt the same. "Yeah, me too."

Harry and Ron spent the rest of the dinner discussing Harry's new assignment and the long list of things he had to do before he left, everything from whether he was taking his broom to what was to become of Grimmauld Place. Every now and then, Harry's gaze would fall on Hermione who would nod for one statement or another, her mind obviously someplace else. He had hoped that she would talk to him, but instead found himself a party to her silence throughout the rest of the night.


	2. The Line In The Sand

  
Harry spent a good part of the week trying to decide what he should take with him and what he should keep. He had never been the type to horde unnecessary items or pack really heavily, but there were certain things that he felt the need to take with him for sentimental value. The first Snitch he had ever caught, which was the same one that held the Resurrection Stone, Moody's glass eye, the broken mirror shard that Sirius had given him, as well as an Extendable Ear that changed colour to blend into its environment: the last gift that Fred had ever given him. He was also insistent in taking the photo album that Hagrid had given him at the end of first year; the one he had added to with pictures of himself with Hermione and Ron, both the old Order of the Phoenix and the new, as well as Teddy.

It was miscellaneous items like that that meant a lot to him and made him extremely thankful for being a wizard with knowledge of undetectable extension charms. Each one meant the world to him. And although only one or two items might have been practically useful, they all held a special place in his life. It was almost as if he was taking them all with him when he was leaving, the presence of those items would bring comfort when he needed it.

He was about to embark on another unknown journey, that same feeling of apprehensive hope blossoming in his chest the way it once did when he had first learned that he was to go to a new school and get _away_ from the Dursleys. But there was one factor that made this decision so much more different from the last. He had jumped at the chance to study magic, to go to a new place and meet new people and hopefully have friends for the first time in his life. He wasn't as excited about the prospect of leaving everything he had known for the past eight years and everyone who he cared about to live a life of a nomad. It wasn't necessarily the life that he wanted, but he could somehow convince himself time and again that this was the life he needed.

Sighing, Harry eyed the Black family tree that spread across the wall at Grimmauld Place, his gaze falling on the burnt picture of his Godfather. He couldn't help but feel that Sirius might have been disappointed in him. His Godfather had been reckless in life, taking whatever chance presented to him without much thought to possible consequences.

Harry was the opposite. All he thought about was the consequences. It really couldn't be helped. He was brought into the wizarding world following events that weren't foreseeable, and was somehow made a celebrity because of it. And every time he had acted recklessly, or without thinking of those around him, someone else had always suffered. His Godfather was a testament to that fact.

But a lot had changed since then. He was now a lot more cautious, and he hoped, a lot more considerate of others. This was why he volunteered for the one job that no one else wanted. The truth was, he had no one. No immediate family, no girlfriend, no Sirius or Remus. All he had was his work, and he was good at it. There was no reason to stay for the sake of others who were already moving on without him, when he could further his career and perhaps make a name for himself for the hard work that he was capable of; instead of relying heavily on the one act everyone knew him for, destroying a mad man who wanted nothing more than to be an evil dictator. That thought was so positively logical that Harry could have sworn that Hermione had whispered it to him while he slept.

 _Hermione_. She was another reason why he just _had_ to leave. He was taking the coward’s way out in that respect, and he wasn't proud of it. On the other hand, he was letting the two people he loved the most be happy together without causing any trouble for them. Even though the idea didn't sound half as selfless as it felt, Harry knew that considering the difficulty he had in seeing them together, he needed to be away from them. Maybe time away might actually do him some good and give him the opportunity to move on from her, which was ultimately what he was hoping to achieve.

Harry found his gaze falling on the spot where the name of Bellatrix Lestrange used to be, before he burned off that section of the branch in a furious rage. He had always postponed clearing up the Black family tree, and now all he could think about was making sure that the wall was a blank canvas before he left. He was just thinking about the possible enchantments he could use when he heard the familiar noise of the front door opening. Immediately knowing who it was, Harry made his way towards the Grimmauld Place hallway, excited to see his friends.

Ron and Hermione peeked in carefully, sharing small smiles before they moved silently so as not to awake the notorious screeching banshee that was the Black family portrait hanging on the wall, their steps painfully slow before they joined Harry and reached the kitchen together.

"You really need to move out of here," Ron said as he took his usual seat at the table. "It's bloody annoying trying to be quiet every time we're here."

Hermione rolled her eyes, sitting down gracefully across from Ron. "You find it annoying because you're rarely so quiet yourself."

"I can be quiet! Harry, don't you think I can be quiet?"

Two pairs of eyes looked at Harry expectantly. "Um... Tea anyone?" He gestured randomly before facing away from them and getting on that pot of tea he promised, even though he hated making it. From the corner of his eye, Harry saw his best mates share a small grin, one that proved that this wasn't the first time he had avoided choosing sides.

"So," Ron began as he turned to face Harry. "What are we down to?"

Hermione pulled out a small piece of parchment, her eyes scanning the list she had constructed days ago. "I think we only have documents, books, and clothes left."

Ron eyed her meaningfully. "Hermione, I'm sure Harry can pack his own clothes."

Hermione barely looked up from the list when she snorted softly and said, "Don't be ridiculous."

Harry's head snapped up to eye her warily, even though his lips twisted in amusement when she looked up at him completely flustered. "What I mean is...As much as you're capable of packing for yourself, you might forget about the essentials."

"Oh yeah," Ron piped in, snickering. "That's Harry. Always forgetting to pack his boxers, right mate?"

Harry would have loved to retaliate with how Ron would always forget his briefs, but he was too distracted by the slight blush that covered Hermione's neck as she looked away from him. Instead, he chose to mumble, "Thanks, Ron," under his breath. He made a mental note to add a little bit of salt to Ron's tea just for revenge.

Hermione glared at her boyfriend. "I meant scarves, gloves and hats."

Having put the water to boil, Harry took his usual seat beside Ron. "You know, I _have_ been packing since I was a kid, Hermione. I think I would know about the essentials."

The blush on her neck deepened, even though she looked at him as if she wasn't affected by what he had said. "I know that. I just want you to be prepared."

Harry nodded, deciding to stay quiet at the prospect of Hermione finding another chore that would make them spend more time with him. She had been acting weird the past week since she had volunteered Ron and herself to help him pack. Sometimes, the way she acted made him think that she wanted to spend some alone time with him, only to be thwarted later, when she couldn't leave fast enough, almost as if staying with him was uncomfortable. He didn't know what to make of it, and he found it easier to simply take it in his stride and not ask questions. He wasn't sure if he would like the answer even if he got it.

Ron chose that moment to yawn. "Let's get this over with, then. The faster we do this, the faster I can get to bed."

Rolling her eyes again, Hermione looked at Harry apologetically. "He just came after practise."

The casual way in which she spoke about his career made Ron blink rapidly at her. "Not just any practise. A bloody gruelling battle regiment. Stanis made us go through fourteen rotations. I thought my arms would fall off after catching the Quaffle a bloody hundred times."

Hermione scrunched up her nose in disgust at his use of language. "Charming, Ronald."

Before Ron could reply with a snide remark which could easily escalate to a full blown fight followed promptly by angry silence, Harry piped in, "Shall we get started then?"

They both looked at him gratefully before standing up.

Hermione pocketed the list and pulled out her wand. "Let's start with the books then."

Ron waited until Hermione left the kitchen before turning to face Harry. "Please tell me you need to take only about five books."

Harry looked at him meaningfully. "I'm going away for three years to teach defensive spells to more than three hundred people..."

Ron frowned before he pulled out his own wand and started after Hermione. "Right."

Harry followed close behind, glad that all the packing was nearly done with.

\------------------------------------------------

It had been nearly two hours of packing books; an endeavour that should have taken half the time if it weren't for the fact that Hermione insisted that she scanned the pages of each book to decide its relevance. Before long, Hermione sat on the floor of the library with books all around her, placed in specific piles based on her decision to keep them or not, while Harry and Ron found themselves a few feet away, playing a game of Quidditch with the enchanted, mini version of the Hungarian Quidditch team toys they had found tucked away in an old, dusty box. They laughed like children as the game went on, the tiny Quaffle moving easily from one plastic player to another as they watched the Keeper do amazing tricks to try to save its goal. Harry snickered when Ron handed him a Chocolate Frog as per their agreement, enjoying the sense of victory after a hard day's work. He always enjoyed being a part of the winning team.

Hermione looked up from the massive book on her lap and cleared her throat. "Are you two planning to _ever_ help me?"

Ron grinned as he picked up the players to put them back in the box. "We want to. Don't we, Harry? But, we figured we'd only get in your way."

"No one is as organised as you, Hermione," Harry said with a small smile, knowing that flattery had always been her weak spot.

As expected, Hermione fought a small smile as she tried to keep a stern expression, but failed miserably at it. "I'm sure." She looked at Ron. "And don't you have a five a.m. practise tomorrow morning? I would have thought you'd want to finish this soon."

Ron winced at the thought. "Oh. Right." He turned to Harry. "Mind if we pick this up another day, mate?" Ron mumbled as he stifled a yawn. "I think I need all the rest I can get."

Feeling tired himself, Harry nodded. "Yeah, I think its best we get to bed soon."

Ron stood up and stretched languidly before turning to face Hermione. "Coming?"

Distractedly, Hermione looked up. "I think I'll stay a bit longer. I'm nearly done with _History of the Dark Arts_."

Harry tried to suppress his surprise as Ron shrugged lightly. "Suit yourself." Making over to Hermione, his best mate bent down and placed a loving kiss on her forehead.

Harry looked away.

"See you tomorrow then?"

Hermione nodded with her own small smile as Ron waved to the two of them and left the room.

Harry stayed where he was, his eyes falling on his other best friend as she went right back to reading the index of the book she was holding. "Need any help?"

Hermione looked up at him in surprise, almost as if she had forgotten that he was there. "Um..." She grabbed the book right on top of her 'must read' pile and held it out for him. "You could check if there is anything about mythical creatures in this one. So far, I've only found three books about it."

To Harry, three books sounded more than enough. But still, he found himself standing up and moving closer to her. Once he took the book she handed him, he sat down beside her, careful to leave a pile of books between them. "Do we really need another book on Mythical creatures?"

Hermione nodded absentmindedly without taking her eyes off the page. "So far you're only missing the magical properties of the water based creatures and creatures to the North. And you definitely need to know all of them where you're going."

"Brilliant," Harry mumbled under his breath before sighing. He opened the book and started scanning random words of the index. It was barely a moment before he felt the familiar feeling he always had when he sensed someone watching him; the hair at the back of his neck sticking up in warning. Looking up, he found Hermione studying him while she worried her bottom lip with her teeth, an expression he'd always found her to sport whenever she was contemplating something. "What?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

Her question surprised him, but he shrugged nonetheless. "It's the weekend. I don't have anything, really."

"We should do something," she mumbled more to herself.

Harry eyed her in confusion. "Do something?"

Hermione nodded before she looked at him with a determined glint in her eye. "Together."

"Um...Doesn't Ron have Quidditch the whole day tomorrow?"

She hesitated a bit before she said, "I meant just the two of us."

Harry stared at her incredulously as she continued to look at him with an expectant expression across her features. "Um...Yeah. Sure." As surprised as he was, there was no real reason why he shouldn't be more than okay with the prospect of spending time with his best mate. Especially since it would be really refreshing to hang out with her alone for the first time in months.

The grin that split her lips was absolutely radiant. "Great."

Harry smiled, unsure of whether this was a good idea in its inception, but unable to deny himself the chance of seeing her without Ron; even if it was only for a few hours. "You want to have lunch?"

She shook her head. "No, I think I have a better idea."

"Great. What is it?"

Her lips twisted in amusement as she gestured to the book he was still to read. "Let's just finish all of this first, shall we? Because once we're done with this pile-" She pointed to a pile of heavy books to her right. "-we still have to do one more."

Harry let out a low groan at the thought of reading, or worse, taking all those books with him. "Why are we going through all these books again?"

"Harry," Hermione started in the tone she used when explaining something of grave importance. "If you're going to teach, you can't be unprepared. And I'm going to make sure that you have all the information you need."

"Joy," Harry mumbled, succeeding only to get a light slap on his shoulder for his sarcasm. Harry tried to stop smiling, but couldn't find it in him. "I meant seriously."

Hermione narrowed her eyes in amusement. "Uh huh." She pointed at the book in his hands and said in a stern voice, "Now, read."

"Yes, Ma'am," Harry said cheekily, receiving another well aimed slap accompanied by a reluctant giggle.

Harry grinned as he started doing the work he had avoided the past few hours. He rather liked the fact that he could still make her laugh.


	3. The Sea

Harry couldn't help but sneak a glance at Hermione who seemed to be deeply absorbed in the book she was reading.

"You know, when you said you wanted to spend time together, I thought you meant something fun."

Her head snapped up only to send a playfully exasperated expression his way. "This _is_ fun."

Harry scrunched up his face in mock disgust. "I meant fun for normal human beings."

"Oh," she said with a casual shrug. "Why didn't you say so? I would have planned something completely different."

He grinned then, thinking for the hundredth time that day exactly how much he had missed spending time with her. "Yeah, you're right. My fault. I should have specified."

Hermione's grin widened. "Exactly! Surely you don't expect _me_ to think of something fun without any help?"

"Of course not," Harry said lightly, easily playing along. "You have always needed a little nudge to break rules and jinx those who tattle on secret organisations."

"And don't forget how I absolutely refuse to go on any adventures before packing for every possible scenario."

"Which is where a beaded bag might come in."

"Or having piles of books."

Harry raised the book that she had demanded he read with a mocking expression across his face. "You? Crazy about books? I would have never thought in a million years."

Hermione let out a small giggle, snorting as she looked back at him as if he had said something completely scandalous. "Shows how much you know me, Harry. And we've been friends for...what...eight years?"

He let out a small laugh before he looked at her seriously, his eyes studying her too intensely as he always did when he told her the truth. "I think I know you better than anyone."

Hermione's smile dropped so fast that Harry had to wonder if he had said the wrong thing. But the next moment, she smiled lightly at him, her eyes kind. "I know you do."

It was one of those moments that Harry had shared so frequently with her, that it had caused him to start avoiding her any chance he could. It was a moment where all he could think about was to lean forward, place his hand lightly against her cheek, and kiss her. The thought seemed so natural that he had to look away for fear of doing the very thing that would cross the clearly drawn line separating their friendship from something more; something that he had wanted to experience with her for so long.

Hermione let out a small, nervous laugh while she kept her head low and pushed a few loose curls behind her ear; an action that she always did when she was uncomfortable. After a pregnant pause, she looked back up at him, her shoulders back and her demeanour so much more confident than a moment before. "I did want to ask you something, though..."

Harry simply nodded, letting her know that she should continue. Any topic would be better if it could provide him with a sufficient distraction from his current thoughts.

But his friend simply bit her bottom lip, her teeth grating against the soft skin while in deep thought once again.

Having the sneaking suspicion that she was about to speak to him about something that they had avoided, and wanting to reduce the sense of uncomfortable energy that surrounded them, Harry said with a mock serious voice, "If you're going to ask me whether I found the different types of dark energy which we have been looking for the past hour, I can tell you that this book seems to have nothing on it."

Her head snapped up before she grabbed the book from his hand. "What are you talking about? I thought I saw a section dedicated to dark energy."

Shaking his head, Harry took the book from her slackened grip and placed it on the pile of books that he wasn't taking with him. "It's not the right one. I'm looking for dark energy that is produced by spells. That handles dark energy in general. It's too big a topic to try to cover within six months."

Hermione stared at the book in disappointment. "Oh."

Once she fell silent again, he asked her, "You wanted to ask me something...?" He picked up another book and pretended to scan the index, hoping that she would feel more comfortable in bringing up the topic if he wasn't looking at her.

He heard her take in a quick breath before she said quickly, "Why did you volunteer to take up this post?"

Her question surprised him; especially since he thought that no one knew that he had volunteered save for him and the head Auror. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly, in an effort to bide himself some time.

"I spoke to Kingsley a few days ago, and he mentioned that you actually asked for the job. Why did you do that?"

Harry kept his eyes away from her, trying to slow down his breathing so he could think. It makes sense that Kingsley would know about his post, but he didn't think of telling the new Minister for Magic to keep the specifics of his recruitment a secret; a sloppy mistake on his part. "I thought it was a good opportunity," he said finally, hoping that his voice held all the confidence that he himself lacked.

Hermione eyed him in confusion. "A good opportunity? Harry, they're taking you to the middle of nowhere and the pay is horrible."

"You've had a good talk with Kingsley, I see," he mumbled dryly.

"I suppose you could say that," she said softly before she shifted closer to him. "This doesn't sound like a good opportunity to me. If anything, it sounds like the worst possible job that anyone could want. Kingsley told me that you were the first person to ever volunteer for such a job. I just don't understand why."

Harry had no choice but to look at her then, the deep brown irises of her eyes pleading with him to help her understand. "I just wanted to do it."

He could tell from the look on her face that she didn't buy his reason one bit. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, it makes sense to me," Harry said roughly, regretting it instantly when Hermione seemed taken aback by his rough tone. "Sorry, I meant...This is something that I want to do, Hermione. And it would mean the world to me if you could support me in this."

He knew he had struck a chord when she looked at him as if a deer caught in headlights. She was never the type of person to back down when her loyalty was called into question; especially when it came to him. "You know I support you in everything you do, Harry. But this..."

"-is just like anything else." He leaned forward, sending a happy smile her way even though that was far from how he was feeling. "This is something I really want to do. And I don't regret the decision, not for one minute." That, at least, was the truth.

Hermione could probably read the honesty in his eyes, since she finally nodded reluctantly. "All right," she whispered, even though it seemed as if the word had to be forcefully wrenched from her throat.

"Thank you," Harry said with a grateful smile, happy that she was dropping it. He knew it was a lot to ask. If she didn't understand something, she would always pursue the issue until she fully understood the truth. But this was so much more different than any logical reason; mainly because Harry had no reason that could satisfy her curiosity.

Her smile was strained before she looked away from him, followed by a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

Harry stared at her, feeling every bit of the git for lying to her and making her believe that this was none of her business, when in truth, _she_ was the reason he was leaving. "I really am happy with my decision, you know."

"I know," she said softly, her tone far from honest.

Deciding that they had spent way too much time on this topic, Harry stood up and dusted his jeans before holding out his hand to her. "Come on. You _did_ say you wanted to go somewhere."

Hermione eyed his hand warily. "But we haven't finished-"

"I'm leaving in a few weeks, Hermione. I think I have time to find the missing notes on dark energy." He flexed his fingers, gesturing for her to take his hand.

After a moment of hesitation, she did, allowing him to pull her cleanly to her feet.

Reluctantly, he let her fingers slide from his. "Where to?"

She smiled softly at him. "I know just the place." Grabbing his arm, she led him down the stairs, past the coat rack where they grabbed their jackets, and outside the front door before she took his hand in hers and Apparated away from Grimmauld Place. Harry allowed her to lead him eagerly; glad to put that conversation behind them.

\----------------------------------------------------

The day hadn't gone quite as Harry had planned. He had hoped that letting Hermione plan their day together and participating whole heartedly in her endeavour would cause her to be distracted from the conversation he had interrupted at Grimmauld Place. He realised quickly that that wasn't the case. If anything, his best friend had been silent the whole afternoon; during lunch and even after, while she took him to a large cliff that overlooked the sea. All those who knew him well, knew that he had a certain partiality towards the ocean; its colours, the roaring sounds and the scents that were so prominent. He was always drawn to the majestic movement of the waves as they fought each other to reach the shore; the movement violent, yet controlled. He wasn't sure exactly when this interest had gripped him, but he knew that he had spent a good few hours while at Hogwarts watching the rippling surface of the Black Lake, and wondering if the ocean held as many secrets within its depths.

As anyone could have expected from Hermione, she had taken him by the arm and Apparated them to a cliff that was easily over one hundred feet above the crashing waves, the foamy white mixing well with the deep blue as it fell again and again against the base of where they were standing. Harry immediately regretted not bringing his Firebolt. It was a perfect day to fly.

Harry wasn't sure exactly why she had brought him to a place where the wind howled loudly and conversation could easily be lost, but he found himself grateful by her thoughtfulness before he sat down on the soft grass and waited patiently until she joined him. They sat together, silent, listening to the music of the waves for quite a while. Harry hadn't felt this calm in months, and he was appreciative to a best friend who always seemed to know what he needed even when he didn't.

But after a while, the silence started to irk him. He found himself looking at her more and more; first with small, fleeting glances, then outright staring when he realized that she was so deep in thought that she didn't even realise that there was someone seated right beside her.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said lightly, a grin on his face as he nudged her shoulder with his.

Hermione looked up, startled, proving that Harry's suspicions were right: she _had_ forgotten that she was with him. The realisation caused him to be more curious than hurt. Hermione's smile was kind, though her eyes held a glimmer of pain he hadn't seen in quite some time. "It's the anniversary, next Tuesday."

Harry looked away from her, his gaze falling on the moving water. He immediately regretted breaking the comfortable silence they had been under.

"Are you coming?"

Harry stayed silent, his jaw working furiously in an effort to hold back what he wanted to say. _No_. It would be so easy if he could just say it; but it wasn't that simple.

Hermione continued to watch him as he stubbornly tried to ignore the telling expression she sent his way. It was obvious what she thought. He didn't have to read her mind to know that she would always tell him to do the right thing. But what was the right thing _here_? It seemed more like betrayal than anything else.

With a quick shake of his head, he said all that he needed to say. He wasn't interested.

Hermione's eyes widened incredulously. "Is this because of the award?"

"They want to give me the Order of Merlin, Hermione. Of course it's about the award."

She seemed to take a deep breath, one as if to calm her nerves. "You can't _not_ come because the Ministry wants to show their appreciation. You know how important that day is."

That was a laugh. Of course he knew how important the anniversary was. It was the date he had lost his friends, and those he considered his family. But to step onto a podium and accept an award that only the greatest of wizards had ever received, an award that Dumbledore could add his name to, sounded wrong. Just...wrong.

Hermione shook her head lightly. "You're probably the only one who thinks that you don't deserve it."

"I don't," he said seriously.

"That's the thing, isn't it, Harry? The fact that you _think_ you don't deserve it, only makes you more deserving."

Harry eyed her warily. "I'm not pretending not to care about some stupid award. I just don't."

"I know." She shifted closer to him, making it even harder for him to ignore the pleading gaze she aimed right at him. "This is how the wizarding world is trying to show you their appreciation, Harry. As much as you think you don't deserve it..." She squeezed his hand lightly. "We all know you do."

Harry simply chose to stay quiet, unable to find it in him to deny what she had said all over again. This was a conversation they had had before, and he was tired of how it always seemed to come up when he least expected it.

"Just think about it," she said softly before turning to face the sea once again. She shifted closer to him before moving an arm around his, and tentatively placing her head lightly on his shoulder. Even though they had just disagreed on an important issue not more than a moment ago, Harry took comfort from her, and allowed himself to relax against her, his head lolling to the side so it fell gently against her forehead.

They sat there for quite a while. Hours later, when they watched the sun touch the water before its orange rays were swallowed, and all that was left were the light pink and red brushed across the sky, did Hermione finally untangle herself from him and stand up. She tugged him to his feet, and silently, they Apparated back to Grimmauld Place.

He had to admit, when Hermione said she would give him time to think, sometimes he couldn't help but think that she gave him too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The art for this chapter can be found[here](http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee397/hhbbmods/Round%2001%20Art/Jakuako-Windblown.jpg) as drawn by the talented [Jakuako](http://jakuako.livejournal.com/)_


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